Date:	2007-07-05 12:49
Subject:	An Interesting Week.
Security:	Public
Mood:	loved

Okay Steve this one is for you... thanks for reminding me that I am lacking in the writing department lately. Hopefully I will have some time coming up to write more.

What a crazy World we live in, and what a crazy last couple of weeks I have had. I have had so many things rocking around in my mind over the last couple of weeks that I am suprised that my mind has not gone on strike.

I have been in Washington for almost three years hating the winter weather. There was not much keeping me here. I wanted to finish my degree, I have a good job that is not very much fun, and a few close friends here.


I recently made the decision to move back to California to be with my friends and the sun... I quit my job, and gave notice to my landlord. I was packing and on my way.

AND then... I met someone here in Washington. I met someone who I like enough to reconfigure all of my plans in order to give this person a chance. I like living on the edge, and dont mind making split decision especially if I believe the reward will pay off.


I believe the reward will pay off, and I am excited to experience a new person who has several qualities that I been asking for in a partner...

Thanks Universe. You did good.

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

two of cups
seven of pentacles
queen of pentacles

Today is a day where I am sure that a baby will soon come into my future. I actually feel like today is the day I want to start writing to you even though I am not even pregnant. I only recently really started to want to have a baby and only very recently came to the conclusion that I can - even a a lone single woman. It will be interesting explaining this to you when you are older. but the way I see it now... I want you so bad, Im willing to jump through the hoops that some couples may not even experience. I also want to make sure I write all these feelings and the process down, so that when you ask me later, I can just show you and perhaps remember how I am feeling.

My daddy always said that I was lazy, but I just hated being an only child and getting all the dirty duties. I was, in most aspects, my dad's little slave girl. Once I became of dish washing age, I got hit hard with "do this" and "do that". Not only were the chores numerous they were on a strict schedule of timeliness. If I was scheduled to wash the nightly dishes, I had better get that done pronto or risk the Irish wrath. My dad is not really Irish, but his red hair and rosy checks would lead the onlooker to believe otherwise. His temperament is also indicative of the Irish - he could blow his stack quicker than anyone I knew.

So I went through the early part of my years with a disdain for any cleanliness and organized thought. I hated being told what to do because the militant direction within my home was already so strong. I was given a lot of freedom early in life. Mainly because my dad worked for a living and tried to raise me at the same time. So by the age of nine, I was starting to illustrate the "latch-key" idea for future therapists to ponder. I walked home from school, let myself in the front door and had the house to myself for hours. The quietness always struck me as isolating. Most of my day dreams during this time revolved around running out the door to find a friend at the park across the street. Because I was nine, I had to stay in doors, do my homework and make sure that the house was clean by the time my dad came home around seven. Usually it was about three to four hours of alone time.

Around this time I acquired a bunny... We had a small yard in the front of our condo that was fenced in for the bunny. After school one day, I came home in my usual sluggish mood, put my stuff down and headed into the front to say hi to my bunny. Bunny had escaped, so I went on a bunny hunt looking for him around the neighborhood. The area that I lived was incredibly safe and I was not banned from the outdoors because of predators. I was banned because I was nine and there was no way to keep track of a nine year old on the loose with no parents home. Finding the bunny was important and I was sure that my dad would not want to be interrupted at work. I never found the bunny, but while I was looking around the edge of the corner lot I noticed that I could see skin coming through a sliding door that faced the fence. Upon closer inspection I noticed that it wasnt just one person's skin it was two people and they were locked inside each other rolling floor, pressing on the glass of the door and in general looking very strange. This was my first glimpse at sex. I ran.

Later that evening I confessed that the bunny went missing, but I held my tongue about the couple in the glass. Despite my feelings that something awful was happening to them, I could not help feeling like I had done something wrong. I didnt want to admit my naivety.

The image of the couple had left a lasting impression. Upon each discovery of sexual thoughts and relations, my mind wandered back to the couple in the window. Their brief adventure was my stepping stone throughout life. What I thought to be a crude display of masochism turned out to be a goal. I wanted to have that lustful, passionate glass experience that caused kids and shout out in freakish horror.

Date:	2005-03-07 11:01
Subject:	the writing project
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated

What do you do when you have an insurmountable time available at work to do nothing? You write of course.

Your tools are the thoughts in your head, 3 paces in all directions, and a computer.